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Hey Bestie: Why 'made up' Valentine's Day can lead to better sex

Updated: Mar 18

Hey Bestie,

I really love Valentine’s Day but my partner isn’t really a fan. I feel like we’ve lost touch with each other. How can I get him to want to do something with me on Valentine’s Day?

I’ve been waiting to answer this one and now that we are just around the corner from one of my favourite holidays, here’s your answer! So, before anyone rolls their eyes about how this upcoming day is a type of ‘made up Hallmark holiday’ – let me explain why I love the ‘love day’ so much!

If you are a regular reader, you’ll know that I’m a Sexologist and Therapist and I want to let you in on a little secret. If you want better sex, there’s three key ingredients – connection, communication and chemistry! One of the most important is communication.

Surprisingly, most humans don’t know how to talk about sex or relationships.

You might have learned something around the concept of the ‘birds and bees’ at school but we need to seriously level up that conversation if you plan on having good sex.

Luckily, times are changing, and people are now more open to talking and learning.

The reality is that we haven’t been taught how to communicate our sexual needs to ourselves or others.

This is unfortunate as any sex therapist will agree that the key to better sex is being able to discuss your wants, needs and desires…and before you can do that, you need to know them for yourself.

So, if you are a Hey Bestie dedicated reader – this tells me that you are trying to educate yourself and learn communication skills that will help you bridge the gap.

The reason that I love Valentine’s Day so much is simple. To me, it’s a gentle reminder to work on yourself and your relationship. If you’ve started to drift apart, it’s a reminder to reconnect.

If your communication hasn’t been ideal, it’s a reminder to adjust it. If you haven’t arrived home with flowers that you hand-picked thinking of your partner, it’s a reminder to put more effort into thinking about your partner and doing kind gestures.

If you haven’t been on a date night in a while, it’s a reminder to put time aside on that date to do exactly that. Yes, Valentine’s Day is only a single day on a calendar – use that day as a ‘Relationship Reminder Day’.

I personally believe the day should extend to 365 days of the year as a reminder to regularly focus on yourself, your relationship and leveling up communication.

Research shows that couples who communicate about their hopes for their relationship for as little as five minutes each day are more connected, have longer relationships and have better sex!

If your partner doesn’t love this day – start a conversation, explain the meaning of the day for you, talk about how you want to connect with your partner and that the day is simply a great reminder to do so. Let your partner know that you plan on taking the day to refocus on the relationship and each other. Have fun with each other. Connect with yourself, connect with your partner, connect to the moment because after all, everyone deserves to have a great relationship… and this day is just a reminder for you to take action.

Your bestie,

Amanda xx

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