I’d like to spice up my sex life with my partner and was thinking about introducing toys or dress-ups, can you tell me how to broach the subject and what might be good?
I love questions about ‘sexperimentation’ — the art of trying new things in the bedroom and taking some time to refocus on the relationship and spice things up.
An active and fun sex life is important for all relationships. The more mutual effort you put into the relationship, the more mutual reward.
Spicing up the relationship, every now and then, is a sure-fire way to ensure the relationship remains exciting and avoids falling into a mundane routine or, even worse, a sexless rut.
Sex, unfortunately, is not a topic that is widely and openly spoken about.
When we are in relationships, sometimes our own insecurities hold us back from communicating, asking questions and talking with our partners about the things we and they enjoy in the bedroom.
Personally, I hope to change this taboo as much as possible.
I would love for all people in relationships to truly feel comfortable when talking about sexual preferences, fantasies and adventures.
The best way to start having better sex is to openly communicate your wants and thoughts and experiment.
You might try something that was a complete flop, you might need to readjust what you were attempting and give it another go.
Alternatively, you might try something that knocks your socks off and then becomes part of your sexual repertoire.
So, how to spice things up?
Talk to your partner about what you might like to try and when. It might be new positions, new toys, dress-up (think firefighter and/or French maid….or seriously, whatever turns you on!)
Let the experience be fun. Build up to it and create anticipation — if you decide to do a surprise dress-up, leave hints throughout the week — hi-vis vest on the edge of the bed, a feather duster on the bathroom sink, a pair of handcuffs on the inside doorknob of the bedroom.
It’s amazing how much better sex is when you look forward to it!
The phrase ‘sex starts in the morning’, is true on so many levels. Giving each other attention and making each other our priority fills our emotional needs, but also shows our partner that we really want them throughout the day, which then sets up the evening (or any time of day that you plan for sex) to be a success.
Anticipation is powerful, so don’t underestimate its use.
I wish you all the best with spicing up your sex life because after all, everyone deserves to have great sex.