Hey Bestie: My partner has signed us up to a sex therapist and I’m just not into it. What should I do about it/how do I tell them?
When I first read this question I was so excited that your partner made a positive move for the relationship, then I read that you aren’t into it, so I’ve got some questions:
Did you both discuss why a sex therapist would be useful for the relationship or was it one-sided and you were told to come along? If it’s the second reason, that’s not a good start.
Do you both have an understanding of the benefits that a sex therapist can provide for your relationship?
Did you mutually choose a sex therapist that would complement the style of the relationship?
Do you feel that there are areas of the relationship that can improve through learning some strategies to apply?
The reason I ask these questions is because it’s important to understand where the current relationship is and the benefits that seeking the guidance and education of a sex therapist can have.
Unfortunately, all too often couples wait way, way, way too long to seek help. Yep, that’s the hard truth. Most people finally make the move to see therapists (all forms of therapists) typically 12-18 months after when they initially should have booked in for guidance.
Did you know that most couples spend more money on their wedding attire than on relationship education for the duration of their relationship! Yep — wear the fancy outfits for a day but attempt to make the relationship work for 40+ years for less than the outfits.
So, back to your question.
Is there a reason that you aren’t into it? Is it that you were surprised by a revelation? Do you feel that the therapist is simply not a good fit?
Take a moment to reflect and explore the reason(s) why you feel that you are not into it and unpack that — and be honest with yourself and your partner.
There are sex therapists and there are sex therapists. The best ones are the ones that are educators and have qualifications in the area that your relationship is looking to restore, improve, or flourish in.
Do your due diligence and make sure that they have experience, education, and knowledge in the area.
Finding the right therapist is half the battle, or at least a portion of it!
Most therapists will tell you that it’s unlikely that you will find ‘the’ best suited therapist to you and your relationship on the first go.
Often, you will need to see anywhere from 2-5 therapists until you find the one that fits best with the both of you.
Therapists are aware of this and are typically fine with you seeking help from another therapist who is a better fit for your relationship.
Therapists can help with your sex life, all areas of the relationship, intimacy, communication and so much more!
It would be great to seek help sooner rather than later because after all, everyone in relationships deserve to be living their best relationship.
There are always aspects of relationships that can improve and if your partner is reaching out to get some help, have an openly curious conversation and ask your partner why and what they hope to get out of the sessions.