HEY BESTIE: I’ve recently started dating again after splitting up with my husband but I’m finding it hard. Am I a bad person because I can’t look past a potential partner’s physical flaws like bald spots and crooked teeth?
Getting back in the dating scene post-divorce is often described as one of the most difficult times.
The reasons this can be difficult include the fact that you’ve been out of the game for a long period of time while dating and/or married to your previous partner, things have changed in the relationship and the dating landscape since you were last on the scene and there’s often a hesitancy around not wanting to repeat patterns of the last relationship.
You are not alone. There will be mixed feelings.
The excitement of starting fresh and the fear of the unknown are just a taste of the feelings that you might experience.
The most important part of this part of the journey for you will be your confidence — confidence in yourself and confidence in a few of the points below.
Make sure that you are actually over your ex - Yep, although the paperwork might be signed, you might be living in different houses, the feelings — whatever they are — might still be present.
Talk to a professional to learn how to move beyond your divorce and the feelings of divorce.
Get SUPER clear - Think clarity around what you want for yourself, and in a relationship, and be ultra clear on what you don’t want. If you have a level of clarity around this, you are more likely to look for the right partner for you. Without this, you are simply casting a large net and hoping for the best.
Ease into the dating scene - Take it slow. Start by getting to know the person and really understand what they are looking for.
Don’t fall into the ‘type’ search - You might think you have a type but if you haven’t dated since high school, your type has probably changed. . . just like your style in clothing may have changed over the years. So don’t simply search for your type . . . be open to what might be available.
Above and beyond everything else, make sure that you are ready. Ready to jump back into the rollercoaster known as the dating scene.
Listen to your instincts.
If you have a gut feeling that things aren’t as they should be, allow that gut feeling to be loud enough to hear it and take action.
Alternatively, if your instincts are telling you that there’s potential, be open to the possibilities. After all, you deserve to be in a relationship that you want, that you enjoy and that brings you a sense of renewed optimism.
Your bestie,
Amanda xx