Hey Bestie: What do I do if my partner always wants sex but I don’t?

HEY BESTIE,I’VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND FOR A WHILE NOW AND THINGS ARE GOING WELL, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX WE ARE JUST NOT ON THE SAME PAGE!


HE WANTS IT WAY MORE OFTEN THAN I DO AND IT IS THE CAUSE OF A LOT OF FIGHTS. HE EXPECTS SEX JUST ABOUT EVERY DAY BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE. HOW CAN WE MAKE IT WORK WITH SUCH A BIG DIFFERENCE IN LIBIDO?


This my friend is called a mismatched libido, also commonly known as desire differences and is one of the most common reasons that couples seek help.


When couples first get together and the sparks are flying, couples typically do not notice the differences in libido as they are having too much fun getting to know one another.


As time progresses, the partners engage in what we call a “pursuer-distancer” sexual cycle.

The pursuer is often the one labelled with the higher libido and the distancer, the partner with the lowered libido.


It seems unfair when the partner with the higher libido is constantly asking or seeking the sexual interaction and being regularly rejected and when the partner with the lower libido is constantly feeling pressured and potentially avoiding sexual opportunities.


As with everything, yes…our libido has its own little rollercoaster that it rides and changes based on your hormonal cycle throughout the month as well as what’s potentially happening in your life.


Let me start by letting you know that if you have always had either a high or a low libido, this might in fact be normal for you and nothing to worry about.

If, however, you previously had a high libido and it has slowed or even come to a complete halt, you might want to see your GP to have a simple blood test done to assess whether your hormones are in fact the ones to blame.


Be kind and remind yourself that there are sooooo many different variables that can wreak havoc on your libido, that it’s worthwhile checking in regularly with yourself or a health professional.


Some of the variables might include hormones (get a blood test), poor sleep, increased stress, traumatic life events and the list goes on!


One of the best things that you can do is talk to your partner and let them know your concerns and discuss how you can both work towards an outcome that works best for the both of you.


After all, everyone deserves to have great sex.


Your bestie,

Amanda xx


Published August 27 2021 at https://www.perthnow.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/hey-bestie-what-do-i-do-if-my-partner-always-wants-sex-but-i-dont-ng-b881981605z



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