Hey Bestie: I slept with another woman on a boys weekend away... do I tell my partner?
Hey Bestie: I went away on a pretty wild boys’ weekend recently and I slept with a woman we met – it meant nothing and will never happen again because she lives in another town. Do I need to tell my wife or should I keep it quiet, so she doesn’t get hurt?
Let me first start the response with some clarity from the position in which I am answering this question. I will be answering this question as though it was asked by a partner who sexually cheated on their spouse with someone else.
I am not answering this question for couples who are in open relationships, open marriages or relationships with agreed rules of engagement – which include sleeping with other people. I am also not answering this question based on a fantasy of sexually engaging with others.
Now that I’ve got that out of the way and since most of you are regular readers of this column, you will recognise me as a therapist that provides advice about always being open, honest, and genuine with your partner. Amazing relationships are built and grow on strong foundations. Plain and simple.
I won’t fool you … although this seems simple, it requires a great deal of learning, work, understanding and commitment to one another.
The foundation of a marriage is a legally recognised commitment to one another. Regardless of whether it’s a wild boys or wild girls weekend away, it sounds as though this is the excuse that is being used to justify sexual interactions with someone outside of your chosen commitment.
Chances are, prior to the weekend away, there may have been big or small issues in the relationship that haven’t been managed or discussed with solutions or outcomes to action and now cheating has made those issues quite small in comparison.
If you are no longer committed to your partner – have that discussion.
If you are no longer in love with your partner – have that discussion.
If you are interested in exploring an open or alternative relationship – have that discussion.
Remaining silent in a relationship when you are unhappy, feeling resentment, feeling unappreciated or bitter towards your partner is simply not good enough - start talking with one another.
If you are sexually involved with someone else there’s clearly some underlying issues within the relationship that need to be addressed. Is it worth hurting your partner by telling them? Is it worth keeping it a secret? Only you will know the answers to these questions and that will be for you to figure out. Because after all, everyone deserves to feel that their partner is truly committed to them and only them if that’s the relationship they have chosen to be in.
Published March 11, 2022 on https://www.perthnow.com.au/lifestyle/hey-bestie/hey-bestie-i-slept-with-another-woman-on-a-boys-weekend-away-do-i-tell-my-partner-c-6006742