HEY BESTIE: I’ve been married to my wife for six years and while the sex is great, I’d love to try a threesome. In fact, I’d really love her best friend to join us. I know my wife’s friend really well and she’s secretly told me that she’d be up for a threesome. I know she has fantasies about me but I don’t think my wife has a clue. How do I bring this up with my wife and how do I convince her it would be a great experience?
There’s a few things to point out with regard to this question that I think is really important for you to pause for a moment and reflect on … especially what the potential impact and outcome might be.
Firstly - there’s a major difference between sexual fantasy and sexual reality. When the lines of the two are blurred, it often causes confusion, hurt and trust issues in a relationship.
Secondly - It’s one thing to want to have a conversation with your wife about a fantasy of yours ...it’s a completely different thing to attempt to ‘convince’ her. Please reflect on both.
Okay, now that those two things are out of the way, let’s talk about threesomes. If this is a fantasy of yours that you have had since day dot and your wife is aware of this, it shouldn’t be all that hard to start a conversation about it, or even to ask/know her views on the topic. If it’s a hard no for her, you probably won’t be able to convince her otherwise and her hard line should truly be respected.
On the other hand, if she is open to the suggestion – talk about who you both might enjoy as the additional partner – there’s a possibility that she might not want her best friend to be a part of this. But then again she might.
If you are both on board with the threesome … great. It can be an opportunity to explore something new and bring a different perspective to your relationship. If either one of you isn’t on board and somehow still manages to go ahead with the threesome, it can severely damage your relationship and might result in divorce.
What this all comes down to is the ability to have a vulnerable conversation with the person you love. Talk about what you think you would like to experience, why you want to have that experience and how it would make you feel. Most couples fail to talk about the relationship pitfalls that might appear post-threesome (if it does go ahead) and so I would strongly recommend booking in a session with a sex therapist to review the rules of engagement prior to engaging in the threesome. After all, everyone deserves to feel safe and secure in their own relationship. You do not need to try to figure this out on your own, there are professionals who are more than prepared to help navigate you through potential pitfalls.
Your bestie,
Amanda xx
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