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Hey Bestie: Help, my boyfriend's dad is creeping me out

Updated: Mar 18

Hey Bestie: I adore my partner but his father creeps me out! When we go to visit I feel his eyes all over me. I don’t want to start trouble in his family and that’s why so far I have hesitated in saying anything to my partner, but it’s getting to the point I don’t want to visit the in laws anymore. Can you give me some advice on how to handle this please?

In life we encounter a range of people, those we like, those we love, those we would rather avoid and yes, even those that creep us out. We need to realise our own strengths in dealing with each type of person that we encounter.

As you build up your own personal confidence, dealing with others becomes much easier.

It’s great to know that you adore your partner – this might significantly help in discussing the situation with your partner.

In relationships, communication is key and has the ability to make or break a relationship.

My philosophy on ‘couples communication’ is to always be honest with one another.

Now, as simple as this sounds, let me be clear... it is not!

The concept of honest communication is difficult and there are some steps to learn in order to do this properly. Having said that, it is important that your partner is aware of how you are feeling and then the two of you can create a strategy about how to work together on the issue.

Once discussed, your partner might turn around and tell you that you aren’t the first person to feel this way, and that is how ‘dad has always been and that there’s no malice in it’ – or numerous other things but you’ll never know until you have the conversation.

With regard to family members, remember that we can’t control what other people do, say or think. We can only control our reactions – which are all choices that we make.

So your partner, especially if they have your back in this situation, may not be able to control how their dad is making you feel, they are able come to your defence – or whatever the two of you have agreed on as an approach.

Your relationship is meant to be supportive and understanding.

The most important thing for you to do is to be yourself – be honest with your partner, and make a plan of how the both of you are going to manage the situation going forward because after all, everyone deserves to not feel creeped out by others, especially family members.

Your bestie,

Amanda xx

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1 Comment

As much as I usually like the advice given, as a male, I am wary of this particular advice. It assumes that a young male in love will have the same rational, considered approach that the female has in this circumstance. When I was a youth, I heard that my father was eyeing up my girlfriend. My, immature, but male reaction was to become angry and I wanted to kill my father. Fortunately sanity reigned, but only by staying away from him for a week.. and never I had the same relationship trust again. Had I confronted him, it may have been disastrous. I am usually quite passive - but the urge to protect one's love does strange things. I…

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