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HEY BESTIE: Does happily ever after really exist in a relationship or should I shift my beliefs?

Updated: 2 days ago


HEY BESTIE: Does happily ever after really exist in a relationship or should I shift my beliefs?

I grew up believing that my everlasting relationship would be romantic and rom-com movie worthy. Am I setting myself up for failure thinking that there is such a thing? Should I simply settle for what might be ‘good enough’ and shift my beliefs?


I’ve seen how beliefs about relationships profoundly shape our experiences and satisfaction.

These beliefs, our underlying assumptions about how relationships should develop, can make or break our romantic connections.


A recent 2024 study examined how these beliefs influence relationship satisfaction. It highlighted two primary types: “destiny beliefs” and “growth beliefs.” Understanding these can help us foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Destiny beliefs revolve around the idea that relationships are largely predetermined or influenced by external factors.


People with destiny beliefs often think there is one true soulmate and that everything will effortlessly fall into place once they find them.


They might also believe in “love at first sight” and feel that if there isn’t an instant connection, the person isn’t right for them.


Those with destiny beliefs view relationship success as based on fate or innate compatibility rather than effort and communication.


They see relationships as “meant to be” or not, leading to preconceived notions about how their romantic journey should unfold.


Research shows that individuals with strong destiny beliefs often experience high relationship satisfaction initially, but this declines over time, especially when both partners share these beliefs.


This is because their romantic connection feels out of their control, fostering passivity in nurturing the relationship.


When faced with challenges, those with strong destiny beliefs may attribute difficulties to external factors rather than personal actions.


This can lead to a lack of accountability and avoidance of underlying issues, ultimately eroding satisfaction.


Believing success or failure is predetermined, they may be less inclined to actively work on resolving conflicts, leading to disillusionment and frustration.


In contrast, growth beliefs revolve around the idea that relationships can evolve and improve through effort, communication, and understanding.


People with growth beliefs see “happily ever after” as a journey.


They believe that each person in a relationship is responsible for their own happiness and that a healthy relationship involves supporting and enhancing each other’s lives.


Those with growth beliefs view challenges as opportunities for personal and relational development.


They understand that a relationship’s strength lies not in its perfection but in a couple’s ability to adapt and grow together.


Research shows that couples with growth beliefs experience a slower decline in relationship satisfaction.


This mindset encourages partners to adapt to changing circumstances and approach conflicts with a problem-solving attitude.


Growth-oriented individuals are more likely to actively work on improving their relationships and invest time and effort into nurturing them.


Growth beliefs promote open and honest communication. Partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and needs, knowing they are working towards the shared goal of prioritizing their relationship.


This commitment to ongoing personal and relational development fosters progress and fulfillment.


Individuals with growth beliefs are better able to forgive minor offenses, show greater commitment, and have a strong drive to preserve their relationship.


Their optimism about the future and acceptance of each other’s imperfections creates a foundation of authenticity and support, leading to higher relationship satisfaction.


Remember, relationships can evolve and flourish with time when both partners are willing to put in the work.


Because after all, when we embrace growth beliefs, couples can cultivate a relationship that thrives on continuous learning, mutual growth, understanding, and love.


Your Bestie,

Amanda x


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