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Asking for what you want

Updated: Mar 14

Asking for what you want

There is a song by the Rolling Stones called, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” However, the lyrics of the song go on to say that if you try you may get what you need. You need to ask for what you want. Otherwise, no one will know that you are looking for something. If they don’t know, they can’t give it to you. But, there are ways to ask. That is what will be explored in these tips.

  1. You should be willing to give something yourself. If you are, it becomes much easier to ask for what you want. People feel the need to return the favor when they receive something. There will be people who take advantage, and the relationship is one-sided. But, most people will give what you ask for when you start the process by giving them something.

  2. Make sure you know what you want before asking for something. Some people aren’t sure what they want. They end up asking in roundabout ways. This won’t get you very far. When you know what you are looking for, you can ask for it more confidently.

  3. Confidence is a key factor in getting what you want. People often question whether they deserve to ask for what they want. This is the wrong approach. When you are confident, this will be less of an issue because you not only deserve it but are entitled to it. When you approach it in this fashion, you increase your chances of people giving you what you want.

  4. Try to avoid beating around the bush when asking for something. Be direct and firm. People respect that more. Think about when others ask you for something. The people who are direct will get what they want, all things being equal.

  5. Be realistic when asking. Some people aren’t capable of giving you what you are asking. For instance, you may ask your boss about a promotion. Your boss may not be in a position to give that to you. It’s good to set your sights high, but know who you are dealing with.

  6. Don’t be manipulative when asking for what you want. This may work for you sometimes. But, it will turn people off even in a subtle manner. If people say no to your requests, don’t make them feel bad about it. Try another approach or move on and seek alternatives to what you are looking for. Being a sore loser won’t win you any trophies.

  7. Read books about getting what you want. There are plenty of books available on Amazon. Find books from people you admire, if they are available.

  8. Learn how to be a better negotiator. When this happens, you will naturally get more of what you want. Negotiation is a key life skill that can serve you in many aspects, including business. You will get more when you set the stage for everyone to be happy with any arrangement.


  • Make a list of everything that you want. Prioritize the list, so you keep the important ones at the top. Write down reasons why you want these. It will help you solidify your reasons when asking.

  • Make a list of people who you believe can give you what you want (from action item #1). Determine how you will approach them. Try to observe others who have asked these people for what they wanted. Did they get what they wanted?

  • Find a seminar that helps build and strengthen your confidence. This one factor will help you get what you want more than any other. Start with free online tutorials and branch out into more substantial training.

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